Finding Balance: A Journey of Discovering What Matters

I was in my thirties and caught up in the wheel of life. Not the Buddhist introspective type, the Western hamster type. The type the sees only weekends as the weekdays are filled with work. The type that fills empty space with chores and “to do'“ lists and little time for much else. Yes, my work life was abundant, but my self care, and self realization was nearly nonexistent.

I was young, stressed, but by all accounts extremely successful.

But was I?

I had been fed a story my entire life, not by my parents directly, but by society at large, that there was a path to be followed and a formula to success. Up until this point, although I had not reached it in a linear fashion, I had indeed reached milestones in which I could be considered a success. A wonderful son. A loving partner. A degree. A career. A house. A boat. A car. Designer clothes. I had it all. But the upkeep of it all was exhausting. And the upkeep of it all left no time for true self care.

Now, to be fair, I went all in on fitness, which on the outside looks like self care to the extreme. I ran a couple of marathons, did some sprint distance triathlons, completed all of the hot yoga 30 day challanges and rode my bike for hundreds of miles. But, it still wasn’t true self care. It was still an attempt to achieve, to conquer.

So how did balance finally happen for me? The answer is divine intervention.

I wanted to take a hot yoga teacher training, but because of my work schedule, couldn’t find one that I could commit to. I began to broaden my view of what trainings I might take, and found one in the area that I could do on weekends. It wasn't hot yoga, and I didn't know anything about it, except that it fit my schedule. So I decided to do it. I didn't spend too long thinking it over, I just did it.

As with many things in life that aren’t planned, it wasn't what I asked for, but exactly what I needed. There was nothing heated in the room. There was no-one standing at the front aggressively calling out postures. I landed in a training that had a focus on meditation. Yes, we slowed down. Got not only quiet, but silent and still.

It was everything I wasn't at that time in my life and I LOVED IT.

The pendulum swung and I was now on the other side. For several years I entered a practice that was quiet and still and I probably didn’t physically move enough. My body gained weight, but my mind lost stress. Slowly, the story I had been told became just that, a story. I realized what mattered in my life and what was inconsequential. I realized that the material things I needed were truly few.

As the years past I began to enjoy more physical movement, but now it wasn't done in an effort to achieve anything, to maintain a certain body image, or fit a societal mold, it was to explore and connect. I no longer sat for an hour every morning in silent stillness, but I still sat. I had and have, finally found balance.

One of my greatest teachers would constantly teach me “the middle path”. At the time it seemed so, well, middle. The excitement seemed to live on the edges. But, as I would discover, the joy, at least for me, IS in the middle. The balance of the space of “not too much, not too little”. That place that dabbles in it all with full appreciation. That place that doesn't exhaust all of my energy. This is the place that has brought me immense peace.

So my wish for you is that you are not a success, and not a failure. That you are not too athletic and not too much of a sloth. I hope that you find your balance, live in contentment and find true joy in what matters to you the most.